


The Art of Letting Go

by Anonymous



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Discussion of past cheating, Everyone is Okay in The End, F/M, Lots of conversation, M/M, things happen for a reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25115557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Relationships: Dan Levy & Clare Lydia Michelle & Noah Reid, Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40
Collections: Anonymous





	The Art of Letting Go

** Clare **

The sound of gravel crunching in the driveway pulls me out of my book.

Noah is at the piano and looks up as well.

“Are we expecting someone?”

I shake my head. “No, not that I know of.”

He’s up and looking out the window before I can even set the book down on the table.

He’s been like that a lot lately. Full of nervous energy and a weird, slightly frantic look in his eyes. I keep telling myself it’s just pre-wedding jitters, but something about it makes me nervous. Six years with him, and I’ve never really see him like this. I’m not sure I like it.

Maybe it’s just because we’ve been cooped up so long.

He gasps, his hands flying up to his mouth. “Oh my fucking god,” he breathes, and then he’s gone, sprinting toward the front door and out of the house.

Something in his tone. It’s shocked and almost…well, reverential. There’s no way I’m not checking this out.

I make my way to the window just in time to see someone climb out of the driver’s seat. Noah’s already waiting on the walkway, bouncing up and down like a kid at Christmas. My gaze lingers on him for a minute, trying to sort out what the hell is going on, before I remember that, _oh yeah_ , there’s a reason he’s acting like this.

I glance back at the person who just exited the car and….

Oh.

It’s Dan.

Of _course_ it’s Dan.

Who else would make Noah react like that?

No one else, that’s who.

Noah explodes off the pathway, running toward him, and they meet at the front of the car, Noah throwing his arms around Dan’s shoulders and pulling him into a hug. Dan is laughing, his face joyful as he hugs back.

It’s a really long, really tight hug.

Then Noah is pulling away and cupping Dan’s face with his hands. I stop breathing for a minute, anticipating having to observe something I really shouldn’t, but they’re just talking. I can’t see Noah’s face, his back is still to me, but I can see Dan’s just fine. His expression is a mixture of serious, somber, wistful, and a whole lot of fond. Then he smiles in that lopsided way of his and says something, and Noah is hugging him again, his face tucked into his neck like they used to do on the show.

The expression that descends over Dan’s face is something else. Something I’m going to have to unpack later and try to work through.

My heart thumps painfully in my chest for a second before Dan looks up and catches my eye in the window. He smiles and lifts a hand off Noah’s back in a wave, and the pain in my chest lessens slightly.

I love Dan, he’s a really good person, and I know he cares about both of us. He’d never do anything to hurt me, but _god_. I’m going to be mentally rehashing what I just saw for quite a while.

Dan says something, rubbing Noah’s back as he does, and Noah pulls away, both of them turning to walk toward the house. Noah is moving slower now, almost a little bashful, and then they’re out of my sight.

I step back from the window, take a deep breath, and meet them at the door.

Noah’s in first, pulling Dan behind him, laughing.

“Look who’s here!” he yells, his voice loud and so, so happy.

“I see that. Hey, Dan.”

He grins and pulls me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. “Hey! It’s so good to see you.”

“How are you even here?” I ask. “We had no idea you were coming.”

“That was kind of the idea. I wanted to surprise you. If you both thought I’d miss the wedding, you’re crazy.”

“Did you come back just for that?” I ask, surprised. “You didn’t have to. I know traveling right now isn’t exactly something you’re okay with.”

Dan shrugs. “I came back for the wedding, yeah. But, I also _came back_ , came back. I’m gonna’ stay here awhile. At least until all this gets better. This is home. I want to be home with my friends while the world goes crazy.”

Noah stares at him, his eyes shining. “You’re _staying_? Like for how long? Indefinitely?”

Dan shrugs again. “Maybe? I don’t know yet. I can write from anywhere, and it’s not like any shows are shooting any time soon. Hell, it might open up here before it does in LA. So, I’m just going to hang in Toronto a while. It’s safer here. You guys will just have to put up with me.”

I glance at Noah. He looks _ecstatic_.

“What about your house?” I ask.

“Stacey is going to stay and watch over it for me. Maybe another one of our friends, too, if she gets bored of being alone. Mom and Dad came back, too. We chartered a plane and all flew in together a couple weeks ago. I just got out of the mandatory self-quarantine. You guys were my first stop.” He laughs. “Who am I kidding, you’re probably my _only_ stop today. I’m kinda hoping you guys can be in my friend safety bubble?”

“Does Amy know you’re here? What about her?” Noah asks.

Dan nods. “Yeah, she’s known all along. We’ve had masked, socially distant conversations on my patio while I was quarantining. I’m back in the condo, by the way.”

Noah nods, still grinning. I’m pretty sure his face is going to hurt by the end of the night at this rate.

“Why are we all still standing here? Come sit down. Are you hungry?” I ask Dan.

He laughs. “Am I ever not hungry?”

“Good point. Sit. I’ll bring you something.”

Both Dan and Noah sink onto the couch, Noah talking a mile a minute and Dan just watching him indulgently, letting him talk.

I make my way into the kitchen to get us all something to eat and maybe something to drink for myself.

I really need a glass of wine all of the sudden.

###

Noah's nervous energy is gone.

So is the frantic look in his eyes I’ve gotten so used to seeing over the last four months.

Now he just looks relaxed and happy, his gaze fixed on Dan as he talks, telling us stories about California, his new projects, some of the causes he’s been working for behind the scenes.

Some of the suspicions I’ve had for the last year are bubbling up, and I really want to get Noah alone to talk to him about it. I can feel it all building under my skin, making me start to panic.

I pour myself another glass of wine and down it in one gulp.

Dan stops talking and watches me, his dark eyes contemplative behind the clear frames of his glasses.

“You okay?” he asks.

I nod. “Yeah, just been a crazy day.”

Dan watches me for a second, then stands. “I should probably get going. I’ve been here for long enough today, especially when you weren’t expecting me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Noah says, grabbing at Dan’s arm. “You’ve only been here a few hours.”

Dan looks down at him and laughs…and there’s that look again. I think I know what that look means, and I really, really need to talk to Noah about it now.

“Noah, a few hours _is_ a long time. It’s getting late. I should probably head back to the condo and let you guys have the rest of your night. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

Noah pouts, but nods. “Yeah, I’d like that. You want to come back over? I have a couple new songs I want you to hear.”

Dan cocks his head and watches him, and for a minute I feel like I’m not in the room with them. Then, he’s smiling. “Sure. That sounds great.” He turns to me, still smiling, but it morphs into something almost apologetic. “I’m sorry I crashed your day.”

“Don’t be silly,” I say, automatically, because it’s Dan, and how can I _not_ love having Dan around? Even despite everything I suspect is happening.

Dan holds a hand out to me and pulls me off the chair and into a hug. “It’s really good to see you,” he whispers against my hair, but his tone is sad, belying his words. “I’m really happy for you guys. Congratulations.”

I pull back and look at him. He means it, I can tell, but he is so, so sad, and oh…my heart clenches.

This is worse than I thought.

As soon as he’s out the door and his car is pulling away, I turn to Noah.

He’s visibly deflated onto the couch, his happy energy from earlier muted somehow.

“Yeah, we’re gonna need to talk,” I say.

He takes a deep breath and nods.

* * *

** Noah **

Clare is watching me across the dining room table, her reflection bouncing off the glass in the window frames behind her, distorting it. I stare at the distortion because it’s easier to look at than her face.

She’s not mad, which I was actually kind-of expecting her to be. I wasn’t exactly chill for the last few hours. I wanted to be, but _fuck_ …Dan was sitting right next to me, so how could I possibly be chill about that?

She knows me so well, though. I know she’s figured it out. I could tell she had once I finally started paying attention to something other than Dan’s mouth as it moved around words.

When he pulled her into a hug before he left, her face took on an expression I haven’t seen from her before. I don’t know what it means, but it’s almost like a sad resolve. That same expression hasn’t left her face in the last ten minutes, as we sit here silently regarding each other across the table.

This is fucking torture.

“Listen,” I say, but she holds up her hand.

“Wait.” She takes a deep breath and glances out the window at the pink sky. The sunset tonight is gorgeous, but I’m having a hard time appreciating it.

“Okay,” I answer, falling silent again.

“You’re in love with him.” Her tone is matter-of-fact and so calm, but my stomach sinks and my body goes ice cold.

I try to regulate my breathing as the room spins a little.

“I love _you_!” I practically shout. I don’t know what else to say. I can’t exactly deny it.

She nods. “I know you do. You love me, but you’re _in love_ with him. There’s a big, very important distinction between those two things. And I’m pretty sure I’m not on the winning end of that difference.”

“Clare,” I plead, but she holds up her hand again.

“Am I wrong? About how you feel? Just answer me that.”

I consider lying, but what’s the point now? She knows. She’d know if I lied about this, so I don’t. I shake my head. “You’re not wrong,” I whisper.

She lets out a long, shaky breath. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. The way you two look at each other.” She pauses and watches me, an unreadable look in her eyes. “He’s in love with you, too. You know that, right?”

I nod, feeling absolutely miserable. “I mean, I know he _was_. Before…before all this happened with lockdown. I don’t know if it’s changed in the last few months. We’ve fought a lot since then.”

“Ahh,” she breathes. “So _that_ is what all the weirdness between you two has been about. Why the hell didn’t I piece all this together before? I feel like such an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot! Don’t say that. I’m the asshole here. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…I mean, I didn’t want any of this to happen. It just…did. And then it was there, inside me, before I could fight it.” I rub my hands over my eyes. “I’m probably not making any sense.”

“No, you are,” she says, her voice so calm still. “I mean, it’s _Dan_ , and he’s in love with you. That’s pretty hard to resist, I’m sure.”

“I tried to resist it,” I whisper. I really had. For so, so long. Then I just couldn’t anymore.

“When did you sleep with him?” she asks.

I scrunch my eyes shut.

Fuck. I really don’t want the conversation to go down this path, but I guess it is.

“At the beginning of the year. Not until then.”

“When?”

“After the EW shoot in January. The night of the billboard.”

She nods. “Ah, that makes sense.”

“And then again after my concert in LA. Then the lockdown happened, and so…so it never happened again.”

“So, just the two times.”

“The two nights, yeah.”

She cocks her head and smirks, but it doesn’t necessarily reach her eyes. “If you think I’m not catching the caveat there, you’re wrong. So, multiple times those nights, huh?”

I can feel the blush travel across my face. “Umm….”

“Wow, I’m impressed. It’s been awhile for that kind of enthusiasm between us.”

“Clare,” I say again, wanting this agony to stop.

“So, does this mean you’re gay?” she asks.

I slam my mouth shut, blinking as I consider her words. “I…uh…I don’t think so? I mean, I haven’t ever wanted to fuck another guy before him, so I honestly don’t know what it means. What I am. I’ve been…um…I’ve been really confused for a while.”

“I guess so,” she concedes. “Maybe you’re just dansexual.”

I bark out a laugh before I can help myself, and then we’re both laughing, tears streaming down our faces as we laugh out the absurdity of the situation.

When we finally stop laughing, she stares down at her hands, playing with her ring. She hasn’t worn it a lot lately, a fact I didn’t fully realize until now.

“You’re wearing it today,” I say, motioning toward her left hand.

She nods. “Yeah. I figured with the wedding a couple weeks away I probably should start. Ironic I decided to put it on today.”

“Why haven’t you before? I mean, I guess I noticed you haven’t been. I’m not sure why I didn’t ask before.”

“Same reason I didn’t tell you, I imagine,” she says, fiddling with it again before pulling it off her finger and setting it on the table between us.

We both stare at it in silence a minute, this symbol of everything falling apart around us.

She sighs and continues. “I guess I knew something was off between us, something wasn’t right. I don’t know. The timing makes sense, but I felt it before this year, too.”

I nod. “Yeah, I mean, I didn’t just fall into bed with him out of the blue. It’s been building for awhile.”

“You know we’re not getting married now, right?”

I can feel the tears building up before they overflow and slide down my cheeks. “I know. I’m so sorry. I wanted to marry you, I promise.”

“I know you did. You probably still do. But, you can’t. We can’t do this.”

“I know,” I whisper. “Our families are going to be so pissed.”

She shrugs. “Let them. They’d be more pissed about a divorce, which you know would happen if we went through with it. Especially if Dan is staying in Toronto. I mean, a guy can only have so much self-control.”

I laugh again, I can’t help it. She’s making this too easy. It shouldn’t be so easy, letting go of six years of our lives.

“What are we going to do?” I ask.

She sighs and smiles at me, her eyes sad and red-rimmed, but her expression still hopeful somehow. “I love you, but this is for the best. I love both of you. I want you to be happy. I want you _both_ to be happy. And today,” she pauses, staring out the window again. The pink of the brilliant sunset has faded into dusk.

“Today?”

“Today you were happy to see him, but Dan was so sad. His heart was breaking right in front of me, and I knew why. I _knew_. And then everything made sense. How you’ve been the last few months, all of it. It makes sense. And, somehow that makes me feel better? I don’t know, now _I’m_ probably not making sense.”

“You are, though.” I wipe my face, my heart both heavy and relieved. “I’m so sorry it’s come to this. I _do_ love you.”

“I know you do. And we’re going to be friends forever, Noah, I promise. I love you and Dan too much to let you guys out of my life. You’re stuck with me. I’ll be okay.”

“Will you?” I whisper, the tears back with a vengeance.

She nods. “Absolutely. But, I’m keeping the apartment.”

I choke back a laugh. “You can have whatever the fuck you want. All of it. You deserve it.”

She shrugs. “I don’t want all of it, but I do want this place. I’m used to it. I like it. Dan’s condo is nice, so you’ll be fine.”

“Um, not sure that’s where I’ll be living, Clare.”

“Of course you will,” she says like it’s already predetermined.

I don’t know, maybe it is.

“You can’t stay here tonight. I’m calling my sister to come over and she may kill you before I have a chance to talk her down.”

I nod. “Give me like a half-hour to pack up some stuff. I’ll call you tomorrow to go through logistics of things, okay?”

She nods and stands up, opening up her arms for a hug. “One more for the road?”

I fall into her arms and we hold each other, crying, until the sky goes dark.

* * *

** Dan **

I’ve just settled down with a glass of wine and turn on Netflix to watch something mindless when there’s a quiet knock at my front door.

I frown. No one really knows I’m here. Just my parents and Amy, and now Noah and Clare, but beyond that, I haven’t told anyone.

I know it’s not my parents, I just talked to them on the phone, and I just finished texting Amy about the beautiful disaster of a day I just had at Noah’s, so that really only left two other options behind door number three.

I stare at the door, nerves pooling in my stomach. One of them showing up at my condo this late at night can’t be a good thing.

Fuck. I shouldn’t have gone over there today. Things are still too fresh. I still care too much. I have zero poker face, so I probably broadcast all over that apartment how much I still love Noah. My face was probably a fucking foghorn.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Setting down my wine glass with shaky hands, I stare at the door in horror until the quiet knock repeats itself.

So, they’re not going away then.

Okay, I can do this.

Getting up, I make my way over to the door, take a deep breath, and open it.

Noah stands there, a large duffel bag in his hands and a sheepish smile on his face.

“Hi,” he whispers, his cheeks going a little pink.

“Hi. Why are you here?” I whisper back, trying my very best not to just grab him and pull him into a kiss. That would be very bad form, two weeks away from his wedding. But god, he looks so good. I really want to kiss him.

_Think of the wedding, Dan. Control yourself._

Like he’s read my mind, Noah lifts up his bag. “So, the wedding is off. As you can probably tell, I need a place to stay. Do you mind?”

I suddenly can’t feel my feet. “What?!”

Noah nods and looks down the hallway. “Um, can I come in?”

I’m over my initial shock at seeing him and finally notice that his eyes are puffy and red-rimmed, and his pink cheeks are tear-stained.

Oh god.

Oh _no_.

“Yes! Yeah. Come in, come in.” I stand aside, frantically motioning with my hand. I can’t stop moving. I need to chill the fuck out. “What do you mean the wedding is off? What? I just saw you guys. What the fuck? What’s going on?”

Noah grabs my shoulders, stilling me. “Hey, shh. Breathe, Dan.”

I nod, trying to swallow down my panic. “What’s going on, Noah?”

He sighs. “Can we sit? You need to sit.”

“Yeah, yes, yep. Sit.” I drag him to the couch and push him down by his shoulders until he’s sitting, laughing up at me even though it looks like his tears are starting back up.

Fuck.

Making Noah cry is not what I envisioned being the outcome of our reunion today.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry,” I babble, cupping his cheeks with my hands, trying to push the tears back up. This is ridiculous, what am I doing? That’s not how gravity works. I drop my hands onto his shoulders, rubbing them. “Sorry, sorry. What’s going on? Don’t cry. Please, Noah.”

“She knows.”

Everything stills. Everything. I think my heart even stops.

“When you say she _knows_ , you mean…?”

“Everything. We had a long talk after you left. Like, right after you left. Basically the second you drove away.”

“Oh god. So this _is_ my fault. Fuck. Oh my god. I’m a menace. I shouldn’t have come back here. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, stop. No you’re not. This is a good thing, okay? This was going to happen eventually. It’s good it happened now instead of after the wedding, I promise.”

“You say that as you’re sitting there crying!”

“I’m just overwhelmed. It’s been an emotional night. Hell, an emotional day, too. I wasn’t expecting to see you again, Daniel.”

“I know. I just—I wanted to be here. I needed to see you get married in person. I thought it might make it hurt less.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that now.”

“Oh god. How is she? I should call her. Wait, she hates me, doesn’t she? Oh god, she hates me. I’m a horrible person.”

Noah grabs my shoulders again. “She doesn’t hate you. Exactly the opposite, actually. She called everything off, not me, and she’s not mad, not at either of us. She _should_ be, but she’s not. She loves us both, still. She said she wants us to be happy. She said she knew your heart was breaking.” He stares at me as another tear slips down his cheek. “ _Was_ your heart breaking, Daniel?”

I nod. I can’t lie to Noah. “Yeah,” I whisper. “Kind-of hard not to be heartbroken when the love of your life is marrying someone else.”

Noah closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, the sadness has been replaced by something much different. Something that makes my panicking heart skip a beat and start to calm down.

He leans forward and pulls me into a hug, his head nestling against my neck, his lips soft as he kisses me there, right under my ear, like he always has. Like he belongs there.

“Hey,” he whispers in my ear. “We’re going to be okay. You don’t have to be heartbroken anymore. We’ll figure this out, all of us. I just know….” He stops and takes a breath.

“You know what?” I whisper back.

“I just know that I want to figure this out with you. These last few months without you have been torture.”

“For me, too.”

He nods against my neck and kisses me there again. “Then we’re not letting it happen again, okay?”

“Okay,” I agree, hugging him tighter. “I feel awful about this, though. I love you, but I feel awful that this is happening like this.”

“I know you do. So do I, but I really do think it will be okay. I promise. We’ll all be okay.”

I let myself sink into his embrace, trying with everything I have within me to believe him.

“I’m really tired,” Noah whispers. “I need to sleep. I want to sleep with you tonight, okay? Nothing else. I’m…I’m not sure I’m ready for that after tonight, but I want you next to me. Is that okay?”

“Yes. Yes. Of course. Let’s go to bed.” I let go of him and pull back, trying to smile. He still looks fragile, and I want to make everything better, but I can’t. I’ve made everything worse.

“I’m so sorry I’ve made everything bad for you,” I whisper.

“Hey, stop it!” he orders. “You haven’t. You’ve just made it…different. That’s okay.”

I want to believe him. I do.

It’s going to take a little while, though.

“Let’s go to bed,” I say again, and we do.

Later that night, with Noah curled up sound asleep against me, fully clothed, because I’m not an animal, I stare up at the ceiling, willing my body to let me sleep. It’s not working.

Sighing, I turn my head and look at my nightstand, finally grabbing my phone. I need to do this. It’s probably a monumentally bad idea, but I need to do this.

Staring at my contacts, I open a text to Clare.

> **I’m so sorry.**
> 
> **And thank you.**
> 
> **Thank you so much.**

Once the text is sent, I think I might finally be able to relax enough to go to sleep. I turn on my side, draw Noah tighter to me, and close my eyes.

* * *

** Clare **

My phone buzzes as Julia and I are curled up on the couch, watching some random movie on television. I just need not to think, so I’m not even really sure what it is. I’ve spent the last few hours talking everything through with her, so I feel better, but still pretty wiped out.

She glances up from where her head is resting on my stomach and raises an eyebrow. “Is it Noah?”

I stare at my phone and shake my head. “No. Dan.”

“Hmm. What’s he have to say for himself?”

I hand her the phone and she reads it, her expression going soft. “Well, fuck. Why does he have to be such a good guy?”

I laugh, I can’t help it.

“It’s really annoying, isn’t it?”

“It really is.” She hands the phone back to me. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I think I am.” I look around me. “I’m keeping this place, so there’s that. I’ll take that as a win.”

“Keep the honeymoon money, too,” Julia says, her tone bitchy.

“Oh, that’s a really good idea. You want to come somewhere tropical with me after all this over?”

“I’d love it. Let’s do that. Fuck ‘em all.”

I laugh again. “Fuck ‘em all,” I agree, even though I don’t really mean it.

She snuggles back down into my lap and I stare at my phone for a while, debating. Finally, I take a deep breath and respond.

> **It’s okay**
> 
> **You’re welcome**
> 
> **Just take care of him. You do that, and we’re golden**


End file.
